


I'M STILL HEADING DOWNHILL, BUT I FOUND A HORSE IN THE SAME PREDICAMENT. SO LIKE, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

by Princex_N



Series: baby that’s just how i am [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Better Parent Allison Hargreeves, Bullying, Family Feels, Gen, Past Child Abuse, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Solidarity, Tourette's Syndrome, Understanding, coprolalia, tics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 13:42:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20026756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princex_N/pseuds/Princex_N
Summary: Something is going on with Claire, and Allison knowsexactlywho she can call for advice.





	I'M STILL HEADING DOWNHILL, BUT I FOUND A HORSE IN THE SAME PREDICAMENT. SO LIKE, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

**Author's Note:**

> this is incredibly self-indulgent. I have no idea what timeline this is supposed to be set in - just don't think about it too hard.
> 
> title comes from [this a softer sea comic](https://asoftersea.tumblr.com/post/182589525609/260-yes-the-horse-is-wearing-roller-skates-on). It seemed way too fitting to pass up, or crop short lmao

The first time it happens, Allison doesn't quite put the pieces together. 

It's one of the early weeks into Allison's newly acquired custody weekends. She's spent the better part of two years working through counseling, parenting classes, and supervised visits to finally get to this point, and all of the hard work has undoubtedly been worth it. 

But the first time it happens, Allison is still at a bit of a loss as to how to respond. 

They're sitting down at lunch together, and Claire is telling her about a book they'd read in class when she - completely out of nowhere - practically shouts the word "Fuck". 

Allison and Claire blink at each other, both equally surprised. 

"Claire, sweetheart," Allison starts, when it becomes clear that there is no explanation coming on its own. "Where did you learn that word?" 

Claire ducks her head uncertainly. "From a boy at recess," she admits. "Mrs. Young said it was a bad word." Before Allison has a chance to say anything in response to that, Claire hurries to add, "I didn't mean to say it!" 

Allison knows that kids pushing boundaries is common as they get older, especially for kids who specifically want to retest how their parents will react to certain things, and so Allison decides to let it slide. 

"It _is_ a bad word," she says, and tries not to feel strangely hypocritical, considering she'd called Diego a fuckhead just last week. "So, don't say it again, okay? It's alright to be curious, but you need to be a little older before you're allowed to think about using them." 

Claire nods dutifully and relaxes when it becomes apparent that she's not going to get in trouble, diving straight back into her story with her previous enthusiasm. But Allison doesn't miss the little furrow between her eyebrows that doesn't seem to fade. 

She's on course to putting the whole incident behind her and forgetting about it entirely, but that night after dinner they're mid-conversation when Claire suddenly goes dead quiet in the middle of her sentence, hunching her shoulders and biting down on her lip, _hard_. 

"Claire?" Allison asks, concerned. 

Her daughter doesn't open her mouth - won't even look up and meet her eyes. Before Allison gets a chance to ask what's wrong, Claire's shoulders snap backwards and her head jerks unsteadily, a loud "Fuck!" snapping out of her mouth, followed quickly by a pleading, "I'm _sorry!"_

But Allison has seen something like that before. 

Allison's first thought is, admittedly, that her daughter is just playing copycat, but it's not possible because she and Klaus have yet to actually meet each other face to face. Klaus has never sworn like that before anyway, and it also seems unlikely that Claire _is_ doing it on purpose, and just _happened_ to wind up looking like a miniature version of the game Allison's brother has been playing for the past twenty years. 

"You're not in trouble," Allison says slowly. "Not yet. Are you lying to me about doing it on purpose?" 

"No, I _promise!_" Claire exclaims, eyes teary. "I don't know why I keep saying it." 

The impulse to use her power to make sure Claire isn't lying is still there - her therapist says it might never really go away - and Allison pushes it aside forcefully. 

"Okay," she says instead. "I believe you. Go and get ready for bed then, alright? We can talk later." 

Right now, Allison has a phone call to make. 

* * *

One of the benefits of Klaus's newfound permanent sobriety is that finding him is the easiest it's ever been. Now, when Allison dials his number on the phone (now that she _has_ a number to call for him), there's no doubt in her mind that he'll be the one to answer it (now that _he_ has a permanent residence with a phone to answer). 

"Allison!" Klaus crows, yelping directly into her ear. "How have you been? It's been so _long_." 

It's been a week, but Allison smiles. 

"I'm doing well," she tells him dutifully, "but I called because I have a question for you." 

"Oh?" Klaus asks, "Moi? Well, go right ahead." 

"It's about your... tics," she says, the word still new and strange on her tongue. Five had pulled them all aside once everything had calmed down to try and explain, but Allison will admit that there were other things on her mind at the time. She'd understood enough, though. She thinks. "Is that okay?" 

"Oh, sure," he says dismissively. "But, aren't you busy with Claire?" 

"Well, it's _about_ Claire," Allison explains, pausing while he turns away from the phone to whistle. "You don't do any of those on purpose, right?" 

He's quiet for a moment, and then says, "Yeah, it's like-," the strange little noise he makes when his head jerks, "it's like a sneeze, you know? You can hold it in, maybe, but it's uncomfortable as hell if you try."

"Okay," she says, understanding this comparison well enough. "But you've never done that with swearing, have you?" 

He breathes out in what sounds like realization. "Allison, is Claire ticcing?" 

"I don't know for sure, but she's said 'fuck' twice today already, and she just keeps looking upset about it. She said she wasn't doing it on purpose, and I wasn't sure if I _believed_ it, but then she moved her head like you do, and I thought it couldn't hurt to at least _check_ before I decided for sure. But I've never heard you curse - you just make noises."

"Yeah," Klaus says, a strange almost-urgency in his voice. "You're right, _I_ don't curse, but there _are_ people who tic like that; it's called -_nnf -_Coprolalia. I used to almost wish I had it when I was a," a whistle, "a teenager." He laughs, high pitched and a little crazed, and then there's the clatter of plastic against something hard. 

"Klaus?" 

"Sorry!" There's a fair bit of fumbling, and Allison grimaces. "Sorry, I dropped the phone. But yeah, I'm - _ai!_ \- not the only one out there with Tourette's - there are definitely other people who tic like that, Claire could definitely be telling the, _nn_, the truth." 

Allison can't figure out how she feels about that. "How am I supposed to tell?" 

"Well," Klaus says uncertainly, "I mean, I don't know Claire, but you could ask her? _Ai!_ And see if it keeps happening, I guess. But can I suggest something?" At her noise of assent, he pauses to yelp and whistle, then continues even more hesitantly than before, "Just take it at face value? Tell her you know she doesn't mean it and don't make a big deal out of it when it happens. If she _is_ making it up, then I doubt she'll keep it up for long - it's not exactly fu-_ugh-__fun_ \- but if she's telling the truth, then she'll know you're in her corner." A pause. "Also Ben suggests going to a doctor, which probably wouldn't hurt." 

Allison gets hit with the painful realization that Klaus is suggesting what he wishes they'd done for him, all those years ago when it all began. 

The thing no one _ever_ did: Believe him. 

"Okay," she says, instead of something else, like trying to apologize twenty years too late. "You called it Tourette's, right? Can you spell it for me? I want to do some research for myself." 

* * *

The ticcing doesn't seem to stop, instead it almost seems to get worse after Allison tells Claire that she believes she's not lying, and when Patrick shows up on Monday morning to pick Claire up, Allison pulls him aside and does her best to explain. 

(She can't act like she's an expert, but even if she's not, it's still something they need to address. One of the things her therapist practically insists on is the fact that Communication Is Important, and Allison can work with that.) 

He seems to take it well enough. "You don't think she's just doing it for attention?" he asks, when Allison mentions the suggestion of taking her to a doctor. 

She hesitates, because she can't possibly _know_ (not without doing _that_, which she will _not_), but she knows what she's been told, and she knows what she _thinks_, and that will have to be good enough. 

"I think we should start with the assumption that she's _not_," she says slowly, hesitantly, because despite everything Allison still can't stand being wrong, but this is _important_. "My brother, Klaus, he does the same things - he has Tourette's," she corrects herself. "Everyone treated him horribly for it for a long time, because no one bothered to listen to him. I don't want to make the same mistake with Claire; she says she's not doing it on purpose, and I'm believing her." 

The 'even if you won't' goes unsaid. 

He looks at her for a long time, and she wants to know what he's thinking. But in the end, all he does is nod, and say that he'll call her doctor and set up an appointment to talk about it. 

The fact that he doesn't make her wait to call _him_ back to ask about it marks some kind of progress between them, she's sure of it. 

* * *

Patrick sets up a doctor's appointment, and Allison can't act like she's not happy when he extends the offer to take her with them. She tries to keep quiet while they're there, still not quite sure where they stand with one another, especially when it comes to Claire, but when the doctor starts asking them questions, Patrick turns to look at her expectantly, and Allison makes a mental note to thank him or something when the timing is better. 

She explains about Klaus, and then has to backtrack and explain that they're adopted siblings and admit that she doesn't know anything about family history if they're talking strictly genetics. The doctor assures her that it's fine, says that it's convenient that she has a brother with the same disorder ("So many cases go unnoticed or ignored for years before people can get the right explanation"), and makes her initial diagnosis. 

Patrick takes the paperwork so that he can bring it to Claire's school the next morning and make sure her teachers are informed. 

"Do you want to start trying medications?" the doctor asks. "Does your brother have any that work for him?" 

Allison elects not to mention Klaus's struggles with addiction and tries to remember if there was anything from their childhood that seemed to work. 

She thinks of vomit on the playroom floor, of bloodstained shirt collars and thin little scars that everyone ignores, and Klaus's unnatural stillness whenever their father was around. 

"No," she tells her. "He usually just lets it happen." 

They decide to talk to Claire about it and agree to make another appointment once they've decided. Patrick goes to Claire's school to make an appointment with the office, and Allison goes back to her apartment alone. 

Thinks about calling Klaus, but doesn't. 

What could she possibly say after all this time anyway? 

* * *

Claire's tics seem to get better as often as they get worse. Days or weeks with nothing more than a twitch of her neck that come to a screeching halt as she becomes a whirlwind of noise and movement. Her repertoire of curse words only seems to grow as she learns them from teasing classmates who treat her like a source of amusement, goading her into ticcing and laughing at her when she does. 

Part of Allison wonders if Klaus was grateful that he was homeschooled. the other part of her thinks that growing up in their family probably wasn't any better. 

They try some of the medications, but the side effects always seem to wind up more severe than any of the positive impacts. Claire gets tired of taking them, and no one tries to convince her that she should just ignore her unhappiness and keep trying. 

Despite everything, Claire remains social and moderately upbeat, seemingly unaffected by the barrage of tics (as long as there's no one around actively telling her that she _should_ feel guilty about them), and Allison is proud of her for it. 

But she still notices those quiet moments, when Claire is alone or thinks she's unwatched; the sullen sadness on her face and the bitter anger when the tics hit again. Allison can't shake the thought that - even though Claire has kept most of her friends - her daughter is unbearably _lonely_. 

And for that, there _is _something that they have still yet to try. 

* * *

Allison hesitates only long enough to ask Patrick's opinion and permission before setting the wheels in motion, and she can only pray that Claire is going to get something good out of it. 

They plan to meet at Claire's favorite restaurant (one of the one's who _knows_ and whose servers and managers will take care of other customer complaints without letting Claire overhear), and Allison tries not to let anything show and reveal how nervous she is about this backfiring in one way or another. 

"Hi mom -_shit!"_ Claire chirps as she skips her way over to the table, coming to a halt and hesitating before she tries to clamber up into the booth. "Who's that?" she asks, her nose scrunching twice. 

"This is your Uncle Klaus," Allison says, and tries not to look too relieved at the look of awe that blooms over her daughter's face. 

"Fuck! _Fuck_! The one from the stories?" Claire asks, utterly delighted, and Allison can't tell if Claire smacking her in the side is on purpose or not and opts not to ask. "The one - _fuck_ \- the one who's like me??" 

The slightly panicked expression Klaus has been wearing ever since Allison picked him up melts almost instantly at the words, his usual bright smile taking its place, unwavering even as he makes two false starts in extending his hand for Claire to shake. 

"That's me!" he says, his head snapping to the side. "And that must make _you_ my niece Claire!" His hand yanks up out of hers harshly and comes to smack against his chest, but Claire hardly seems to notice at all - her own hand coming up to mimic the movement. Allison has seen her adopt new tics before, but never so immediately. She wonders if it's the excitement that makes the difference, or the source. "I've been so -_ ai!_ \- excited to meet you!" 

Claire seems overwhelmed at the idea that the hero from her mother's stories might be just as excited to meet her as she is to meet him (and not for the first time, Allison wonders if telling all those stories had only really served to create a sort of hero worship she hadn't quite intended to instill), but she takes the seat across from Klaus easily enough, taking in his flashy outfit and smeared makeup and the way his shoulders bunch and his head jerks with brilliantly wide eyes. 

"I think we're going to be _great_ friends," Klaus enthuses, and Allison can't find it in herself to regret this at all. 

**Author's Note:**

> i have other drafts for this series, so there is hope for more! I just have no idea if/when i'll get working on them again, but you know!! Keep an eye out!
> 
> [my tumblr](http://www.princex-n.tumblr.com)


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